Title: HISTORY IS ALL YOU LEFT ME
Author: Adam Silvera
Rating: ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐
Trigger Warning: death
When Griffin’s first love and ex-boyfriend, Theo, dies in a drowning accident, his universe implodes. Even though Theo had moved to California for college and started seeing Jackson, Griffin never doubted Theo would come back to him when the time was right. But now, the future he’s been imagining for himself has gone far off course.
To make things worse, the only person who truly understands his heartache is Jackson. But no matter how much they open up to each other, Griffin’s downward spiral continues. He’s losing himself in his obsessive compulsions and destructive choices, and the secrets he’s been keeping are tearing him apart.
If Griffin is ever to rebuild his future, he must first confront his history, every last heartbreaking piece in the puzzle of his life.
History: This is so sad I’m crying
Today: This is so cute I’m crying
History: *crying* but why?
Today: *crying* Aww, Griff, lemme hug you
That’s all that happened in my head. I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS SADNESS.
It needed two attempts, almost a month apart, from me to finish this book. It was so amazing I couldn’t leave it, but also so sad that I had to take a break from it. Besides, this hit close to home, considering how I once drowned like Theo, even in the same spot as him and spent quite a while afterwards picturing an alternate reality where I didn’t make it back, and this book is so much like that alternate reality.
The story follows Griffin, a teen with OCD as he navigates through life after losing his best-friend and ex-boyfriend, Theo. There’s an emotional roller-coaster of grief, first love, heartbreak, acceptance and confronting own secrets, which you’d need a really tough heart to go through (no, I’m not exaggerating. This is going to fill up your heart with love and warmth just to crush it into pieces right after). And through all of this, Griff has his OCD to deal with.
The book’s a raw and realistic take on loss and grief and learning to live over again. As always, Adam Silvera goes deep into Griffin’s feelings in every single aspect of his dealing with Theo’s death, and you just have to curl up in a corner and cry to yourself for a while.
And this book gets bonus point for its two main characters being Harry Potter and Star Wars fan. Also, for Griff and Theo’s parents being so chill about them coming out. So, I’d say go read it for some healthy LGBT rep, and some seriously unhealthy sadness.